Letting Go Is Sooo Hard!!!

Why is letting go so friggin’ hard? On one hand, it should just be so easy as to keep moving forward. But, on the other hand, you get so attached that it is unthinkable. People, objects, projects - all of it can be tough to let go.

In my case, I’m talking about my own personal creative work and a project that I completed fifteen years ago. How did this come up now?

This past weekend, I was working on making a pair of dress pants. They are a beautiful navy wool material. I drafted the pattern for the pants and have been constructing them with care. As a last minute thought, I decided that I wanted to add belt loops. In fact, I realised that the style of belt loops that I was considering were similar to a pair of dress pants that I had made in 2008. And this is how I came to be struggling with letting go of an old project.

So, off to the closet I went to find those old pants. I knew I still had them and had moved them with me several times, so they survived the multiple purgings that happen when you move to a new residence. I wanted to look at the construction of the pants and how exactly I had added the belt loops and exactly how I made those belt loops. These pants were also navy and also had back welt pockets, similar to what my current project, but yet different.

At the time that I had made the pants in 2008, they were definitely in vogue. I loved wearing them and they looked really sharp. I always liked the belt loops on that project. I thought it would be great to check out the old project before I tackled the belt loops on my current project.

However, as I pulled the old pants out of the closet, it was slowly sinking in that I am really past the time of letting these go. It is past the time for these pants to be tossed in the bin. I made them 15 years ago and have not worn them in 10 years, at least, if not longer. As age is making its mark on my body, I have to acknowledge that age has caused my body to change shape in a myriad of ways. Even if I managed to get the scale to read what it once did, there are too many other changes for these to ever be wearable again.

That realisation is pretty depressing on its own. And so, there is part of me that doesn’t want to admit that I’m no longer 35 years of age. After all, who wants to think of themselves as old?

That is one part of it, but the second part of it was actually stepping back and taking a look at these old pants objectively. If I was to step back and assess these old pants as if I was going to buy them in a store right now, what would I think? It was time to take an objective assessment and not look at them through the eyes of a creator.

They were made from a polyester that hasn’t really stood the test of time. It is not a fabric that I would choose to wear anymore. I do not like the treatment on the front pockets. I think it looks very dated. I look at the double welt pockets in the back. They were my first attempt ever. Not bad for a first attempt, but “in the cold light of day”, so to speak, they do not meet my current construction standards. I did not finish the seam allowances, so the inside looks ragged. When I look at the pants now with an objective eye, they look shabby and no longer look as sharp as they once did.

And yet, it is still not easy for me to toss them. I took such care making them. Even though, they were made using a bought pattern from Vogue, I remember the efforts I made to ensure that the fit was correct. I took quite a bit of time, trial runs, and a few trips to the store in Pembroke, Ontario (I was living in Deep River at the time) to get additional pattern sizes to make sure they fit as best as I could. My skills have improved substantially with time and practice. After all, it has been 15 years and I have completed such a wide range of projects in the intervening years.

They were a project that I was proud of at the time. I felt fabulous wearing them and had some really great memories. Really, it is the fact that I made them that makes it so hard. I took a length of fabric, thread, and a zipper, along with a few other bits, and brought them into being. They were one of a kind. No one had or will have a pair identical to them. And now, I need to toss them. It is past the time to toss them.

It is just so hard. They were my creation. It is not just these, but any of my creations are hard to let go of, even when they are worn out and are at the end of their usefulness. My creations are a part of me. And that is why letting go of any of them is so hard.

It is time. I have given myself until the end of my current project to complete the task of tossing these old pants in the bin. Let’s see if I manage to do it!

My old pants from 2008:

Front:

Back:

My Current Project:

Front:

Back: